History Repeats
by CiderDrinker
Summary: The Lady of the Lake, in the time between Merlin and MA, is haunted by visions of her sister, and fears for her newborn son. A sort-of entry in the Merlin 20th Anniversary Fanwork Challenge. Prompt: Family (this is a late one)


_So, I initially started writing this as a response to the Fanwork Challenge, and gave up partway through as I came up with an idea that was more Merlin-based, and less MA-related (since, love Merlin though I do, MA is utter garbage). Then I tried to finish it for the next prompt (Women), but since quite a lot of the Lady's thoughts revolve around her son (and, to a lesser extent, Merlin), I started work on another one for that, too. BUT, since that one is now officially late, I'm posting this one anyway - my actual February response should be done soon._

 _This is set between the main events of Merlin (so, after Mab's death but before he grows old and reunites with Nimue) and the start of Merlin's Apprentice. You don't really need to know much about MA for this story - just to give you the background: Merlin leaves Camelot after Arthur's death to rest, he falls asleep in a cave for 50 years. During this time, the Lady of the Lake (who is being driven to evil and to hate Camelot because they are poisoning her waters) conceives a child with him (either through raping him in his sleep, or magically stealing his sperm or some other nefarious means). He doesn't find out about this until years later, and at some point when the baby is young, she abandons him back to the mortal world. In the end, she ends up being killed by her son._

 _There you go, you never need to watch it. You're welcome._

He looks surprisingly mortal for a child of an elemental king, particularly since he has the blood of another flowing through his veins on his father's side. That is my first thought when I hold him. I ponder names at first – briefly I even consider naming him "Merlin" after his father, but I put that idea aside swiftly.

I hold him and I watch him and I see his father in his face. I peer into the pools of water – a thousand mirrors all around me – and I see my sister in mine.

A part mortal son, who will live and grow and die. Who will love me, love me as a mother, love me more than Merlin ever loved Mab. Or who will hate me, resent me, because how can I stop him? I used to understand mortal hearts, and now they are closed to me. I helped Merlin, helped him save the land and defeat Mab, and now the land reviles me as a devil and Merlin has left me to be forgotten.

I look in another mirror, and for a moment Mab is looking back at me, staring with barely concealed disdain.

 _Perhaps a fitting punishment for what you did to me_

I turn away. Mab is gone. I helped Merlin defeat her. This is no more than a shade of my own thoughts. I hold my son closer to my chest and walk quickly away from the pools. He starts to cry, and I rock him backwards and forwards, drying the tears on his face with a thought. I will think of a name for him later.

–

The water has begun to grow darker, murky blacks and greys drifting across the wide expanse of pools in my kingdom. Mab's face seems to flicker through all of them, staring at me, as though in accusation.

"Go away!" I hiss, not sure anymore whether I am talking to this image of my sister, or the poison that Camelot is pouring into my lake, the dams they use to block my streams. Mab's mouth twitches slightly into a smirk.

 _The mortals are flowing away from you sister. Aren't you going to accept it?_

My son reaches out, trails his fingers in the water, before pulling his hand back with a wail. The water has left murky marks across his fingers. I try to soothe him, rocking him in my arms.

"It's all right... she's gone now..." And it is true – every pool around us is blank. Still murky and dark and poisonous, but not a reflection in sight. I hold my son up to see this, but he continues to wail, nothing will soothe him.

"Please... please stop crying little one..." If anything he only gets louder. Wailing, the noise getting higher until my whole kingdom seems to echo with the sound of screams.

"Be quiet!"

Every pool in the room bursts upwards, as though suddenly turned to geysers, and stays suspended in mid-air, tiny droplets of poison hanging around us. It takes me a moment to recognise that the voice had been my own, so like my sister had it sounded. My son stares up at me, wide eyed, frightened, and I feel something like remorse.

"I am sorry..." _He cannot fear me_ , "... I'm sorry..." _He cannot hate me..._

I hear her chuckle behind me, and I whirl around, horrified, for between the droplets of black and purple and murky green, Mab stands staring out of the darkness at me. The child starts crying again, and Mab's gaze flickers to him, thoughtfully. For a few moments, I am too astonished to do anything but watch her watching him. I blink several times to clear my eyes, expecting to see Mab vanish, but instead she is standing even closer to me. My son stops crying, and when I look down I see his eyes staring at my sister in fascination, and feel a sting of betrayal.

Mab's eyes rise to meet mine, and she smirks slightly.

 _My nephew seems to like me. Perhaps one day I will whisper some of his mother's sins in his ear._

I turn and stalk away, trying to ignore the images suddenly playing out in the waters around me. Mab fading into nothing. A decades long war between mother and son. And a young man listening to the words of his aunt in a land underground.

–

The pattern continues for days. My son wails. Nothing I say or do can soothe him, not even the most dazzling enchantments left to me. But Mab is always there, flickering at the edges of my vision like a flame, and as soon as she steps into the child's line of sight, he is silent, watching her with instant fascination and awe. I clench my teeth, and ignore Mab's gaze, certain it will always be triumphant.

For a while I console myself that this is the temporary fascination of mortal infancy, nothing that cannot be overcome later, when he is old enough to learn to love the lake and fear his dark, cold aunt. But then I look at his face, at Merlin's face, and I remember that his father never learned to love the Land of Magic, and he never learned to fear me either...

 _Oh, I wouldn't say that. Not any more._

The more I wait, the more I fear that I am cradling my own death in my arms. Perhaps this will be Mab's final victory? Perhaps that is why she is here, to see it play out?

 _Am I here to watch you doom yourself, or am I just a fancy born out of your guilt? Do make your mind up, dear sister._

–

I place him in a basket, woven with fairy arts, and I carry him to the edge of my kingdom. I carry him further than that, my magic carrying him down the river until his journey ends at a small fishing hut. A man reaches down and lifts my son from his basket, staring at him in astonishment as though he is a miracle – and indeed he is, a perfect, beautiful child, born of magic when it shouldn't be possible.

I watch, and fancy that if I were mortal there would be tears in my own eyes. When I turn back to my kingdom, Mab is there again, watching my son leave me, and for a moment I feel some kind of triumph, though part of me knows that this is fruitless, I am simply fighting with myself.

"He is out of your reach, Mab. Out of both of our reaches."

Her eyes flicker back to my face without even moving her head. Standing there like a pillar of obsidian.

 _You have lost him._

"I will watch over him. I will see him happy. One day, when the kingdoms are at peace... when you are gone..."

A throaty laugh. _I will never be gone. I am part of you._

"I will protect him," I repeat fiercely.

 _You will poison him._

"He is mine."

 _He will be his father's son._

"He will never meet Merlin. Merlin will never know of him. He will not know either of us. He will not harm me."

The look in Mab's eyes is almost pity.

 _You poor fool._


End file.
